I've mentioned before that hardly a month goes by that is not a special baby day and August is no exception. Our last baby we lost in January was due August 19th...another baby that should be in our arms, but isn't. Not only is it tough to think about our babies we've lost, but passing due dates and anniversaries is a reminder that time marches on...leaving us behind. When I think that this awful journey began well over two years ago and we are no closer today than then to having a living baby in our arms...well to say it's depressing is an understatement. We have had a few happy moments over the last two years, but when I think over these two years I only remember pain, heartache, and sadness...everything else is a blur.
We celebrated our 3rd anniversary last week and while I'm incredibly grateful for the man I married and our love for each other...I'm broken thinking that our marriage has really only known sadness. I wish I could simply just choose joy like others suggest and our lives would no longer be full of sadness, but the truth is...our grief will always be there so even as you try to add joy...the joy doesn't ever take over because there is just so much grief. The joy is seen through tear filled eyes...always.
Love and grief are intertwined so as long as I love all of our babies we've lost, well, the grief never leaves. So tomorrow as we "celebrate" one of our baby's special day...we remember that our grief is a reminder our love.
I hope you continue to celebrate your arrival in Heaven little one...until we meet again...we miss you...
