Gabriel's birthday and Christmas

I can't believe it's been over a year since we said goodbye...it hardly seems possible.  We knew that the last few weeks would be tough so we planned a trip to Europe to distract us and have something positive to focus on.

We were in Paris for Gabriel's birthday and although we wanted to be distracted we also wanted to honor our son at the same time.  Tom opened Gabriel's birthday gift in the morning and in the evening we went to the Pont des Arts bridge.  The bridge is also known as the lock of love bridge because people put locks on the bridge as a symbol of their committed love.  People put their lock on the bridge and throw the keys in the river.  We had a lock engraved for Gabriel before we left on our trip with his name, birthday and the words "forever in our hearts".  We locked it on the bridge and we each had a key we threw in the river.  Although its merely a lock and keys...the symbolism gets to me every time.  I will never forget my sweet boy...and nothing will ever be able to take away the love I have for him.

I remember the blue balloon at his memorial and how tough it was to let it go...a symbol of the love...that's all I have...symbols, keepsakes...of my son.

Christmas hardly felt like Christmas this year...for the rest of my life someone will always be missing on Christmas day.  It hardly feels like "the happiest time of the year".

We are home from our trip and while we are thankful to be home with our puppy dog to cuddle...reality sets in and reminds me that the world is not quite right and that my heart will always have a void...

I miss you little buddy...forever...