Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is nearing an end, but I wanted to share a little about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Although pregnancy and infant loss affects so many it is a very untalked about epidemic.  Approximately 25 % of pregnancies end in miscarriage, approximately 1 in 150 pregnancies end in stillbirth and roughly 24,000 infants die within the first year of life in the U.S.  It's sad that so many babies are lost each year and so little is being done about it.  Stillbirth statistics haven't changed much in the last 50 years, but many experts agree that many stillbirths can be prevented.  Research is being done on umbilical cord, placenta and blood clotting issues...enough to show that many of these can be prevented, but not enough that change is taking place in the care of pregnant women.  If you are interested in helping make a difference in stillbirth and infant death advocacy and research consider making a donation to an organization like First Candle.  After Gabriel died we were looking for a charity to donate to in Gabriel's memory and were shocked that so few stillbirth organizations existed.  We visited First Candle's headquarters last year and although small...they along with Star Legacy Foundation are making a difference in research and advocacy.


These pictures are from our visit to First Candle's headquarters in Baltimore last year.  Gabriel's name is on a leaf on their Tree of Hope!

We set up a memorial fund at First Candle in Gabriel's name for those interested in making a donation.  

This month I served again on a parent panel at CMC to educate nurses on perinatal loss.  It is difficult to share our story over and over again, but I need to know that we are doing everything we can to make a difference.  Gabriel had and continues to have such a huge impact on our lives...I want that impact to carry on to others...I want his life to continue to make a difference!  They informed me that they are down to only about 30 books (from our book drive in the spring)... to think of each book as a baby lost is heartbreaking.  The need far outweighs the resources.  My husband and I have discussed setting up a foundation in Gabriel's name to provide resources for stillbirth families.  I know this will take some time so meanwhile we will continue to collect books for the hospital.  Since they are running low on books we will begin collecting earlier.  Consider buying a book for a stillbirth family to share with their child at the hospital and take home as a cherished keepsake.

I am thankful for the leaps and bounds the medical community has come in the care of stillbirth families after their losses.  Tom's parents lost their daughter (his sister) to stillbirth over 30 years ago.  Our experience was far different from theirs.  We were given time to spend with Gabriel, had footprints and pictures taken and treated with care and respect.  I can't imagine the pain of not even given the choice of whether or not I wanted to see or hold my child.  Levine along with Kindermourn also do a butterfly release each year to honor all babies lost.  I am thankful for the ability to publicly honor our child and for Tom's parents now to do the same.  We had bricks engraved at the Children's Memorial Walkway at the park where the ceremony is done each year.


When October rolls around each year I can't help but to think of all of the families grieving silently because the topic of baby loss makes others uncomfortable.  I publicly talk about Gabriel and our miscarriages and honestly don't care anymore if it makes others uncomfortable.  I sit and listen to others tell stories about their children...my children are not here with me on earth, but they are just as much a part of my heart as the woman with her two year old playing in front of her.  It's more important for us to honor their memory than to worry about how it makes others feel.

We've lost some relationships over the last two years, but we've also gained some beautiful new ones.  I'm grateful for those that acknowledge our family in its entirety.  Just the other day someone asked to hear more about Gabriel...did I cry? Yes, but it did wonders for my soul.  Remember...you will never remind a baby loss parent of their loss...I promise you they never forget and most are honored to talk about their sweet babies!!


A picture from October 15th-Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day!!!

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