2 months

2 months...it's hard to believe that it's been 2 months since we said goodbye to our sweet boy.  Yesterday (the 16th) I remember thinking it would be the 17th tomorrow and it would be Gabriel's 2 month angelversary date. This morning I forgot...I didn't forget about Gabriel, I said good morning while looking at his picture, put his cross on etc.  I went to the store and as I got in the car and started driving I started crying because I almost forgot this morning what day it was.  How could I possibly forget...and as if I don't feel enough guilt for not being the best mother to Gabriel...I almost forgot what day it was. 

Today isn't any different than yesterday other than it's another terrible milestone that we hit...I still miss him the same as if it happened yesterday.  There will be a lot of milestones ahead and those days will be hard, but then again so will all of the in between days.  Each day I get up I wonder how I am going to get through another day.  No one really knows the anguish that my heart is in each day...just because I'm no longer in tears all day (only when I'm alone) I think people think that I am doing "okay".  Truth is that I feel very alone most of the time.  We were surrounded by support when Gabriel died and so thankful, but slowly everyone goes back to normal and the cards stop coming and the flowers die, but our hearts are still left broken.  I am unbelievably thankful for the handful of people that have continued to "be there" for us.  I have some amazing people in my life that always check up on me and let me know that they are still praying and that they miss Gabriel too.  It sounds weird, but it helps me to know that Gabriel is missed by somebody other than us...that he will be remembered by somebody other than us.  I know that those are the people that continue to read this blog.