So I've had to take something to help me sleep almost every night since we lost Gabriel (I still have trouble saying he died). Night time is the hardest for me...I lay in bed with nothing to distract me and I think about what should have been. Anyway, I know that I need to learn to go to sleep without help so I try every once in awhile and it never turns out well. I have a lot of bad dreams...not always related to Gabriel, but often they are. Sometimes I remember the dreams and sometimes I don't, but either way they still wake me with the same ugly/sad/scary feeling. For a brief moment when I realize that I was just dreaming I feel a sense of relief because whatever the scary or sad thing that was happening in the dream is not real. Then reality hits me like a brick...for the first time in my life...my reality is more sad and scary then the nightmares themselves.
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