A few weeks after we lost Gabriel I put most of his things away in his room. We still have his handprints/pictures up, but all of the baby things and even anything pregnancy related is put away. His clothes are put away in drawers and momentos are sitting on display on his dresser. It is so painful to see those things on a day to day basis so I shut the door to Gabriel's room and I rarely go in there. I got something in the mail from First Candle the other day and needed to put it in Gabriel's room. I went in and immediately started crying. It's always hard seeing his things, but what bothered me more was that the first thing I noticed was that the room still smelled like new furniture. I then went to the dresser and noticed dust collecting on the furniture. Why do my wounds still feel so fresh if dust has already settled?
It still hurts so much and even though I don't cry 24 hours a day I feel like I am on the verge of tears most of the time. It's weird that most people don't want to bring Gabriel up to me because I think they are afraid that it will open up wounds, but what they don't realize is that he is at the forefront of my mind most of the time and if he is not at the forefront it's only briefly. No one is going to do anything to make me think of him when I don't want to because I'm already thinking of him...always. Time keeps ticking away and life has gone on, but I still miss Gabriel like I lost him yesterday. The dust has settled on everything but my heart.
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